December 2007


Every single night that I remember,of being with him, yesterday was the wierdest.

He has never ever slept without cuddling me up and kissing me a good night..

There were nights when he was damn tired ( work or travel or anything), there were nights when we had just had a bad fight and were totally pissed off with each other, there were nights when there were a 100 other things that ran in his brain ( causing short circuits and sparks, often, ofcourse) and kept him engrossed – But…never a night when he fell asleep without holding me tight and kissing me a good night…

..except yesterday.

It was a normal night, when none of us were sooo tired , or engrossed in thoughts or had fought so bad ( we did..hmm..but yeah, not as bad as it could have been), and I was very much ready to get burried in his arms and blissfully cuddle up in that warm position, remain there until kissed good night.But, I waited..and waited..eye closed and just pretending. Smiling in sheer anticipation .. sure that he is simply making me wait ..whenever I heard a tiny sound of movement.

I think I waited for a long time..before thoughts started to become hazy and wiry and mixed up ..until I woke up today morning.

SIGH.That was NOT a good feeling when I recalled the night.Nothing was ‘wrong’..but nothing felt so right either !

He was his usual self in the morning…Running to me and kissing a good morning et all.
————–

‘ Why did you not hold me for a ‘good night’ yesterday?’.

‘I did not?.Hmm..lemme think..Hmm’ ( looking up while scrathing the new stub)

“Yes, You did NOT. Why?’

‘Maybe you were watching TV while I went to bed..’

‘Noooooo.We slept together!!!!’ ( making a face to convey -How could you forget that too !!)

‘Oh. Okay..Yes….I just fell asleep’ ( with a ‘have-no-idea’ smile)

————–

That felt wierd.It still feels. Do I need to worry?
I think no, but I do need to hold him tighter from tonight.

Hmm.

Spent atleast 3 minutes thinking of a suitable title for my first blog entry here.
Oh, wait …did I not spend atleast 3 months thinking of starting a blog ?!

Hmm. So, here it is.
 
Welcome to Me..TADAA !

I wish to think out loud in this space – about anything that is gnawing my head ..which, err.. is almost every day.

I am deeply driven by emotions and not-a-thing , NOTHING has a non-sensible perspective in my opinion.So, expect a lot of emotional spillage here -

Not just Joy and Bliss but Tears and Anxiety too.
Not just Love and Lust but  Angst and Hatred too.

Not just Content and Peace but Worry and Frustration too.
Not just Kind and Convinced but Hard and Stubborn too.

I wish to share and pour all here..and I wish to make it a habit.

And that, I think, is gonna be a great way of having a rendezvous with my self..

Hmmm.