The many things on my mind

Yes, it is going to be a bullet point post. Each of these have been floating in my head forming individual posts. But, I figured they will never make it here unless summarized in bullets anyway. I am ashamed of keeping this space untouched for so long and I want to apologize.  But, it just..just feels dishonest at this point.

  • The year of 2012 was like a non-involved neighbor. Smiled back when I did, made small talk, shared some home made goodies but generally stayed to herself. No noise. No fun either.

    My biggest grouch was the lack of travel, the excitement it brings, the thrill of exploring the unexplored. Living an immigrant life bound by constant visa renewals sucks.To be required to stay within the boundaries of the country felt very restraining. Why so many boundaries, such stringent laws, so many constraints?  Let me free, I wish to fly.

    Reminds me of these beautiful Javed Akhtar lyrics in hindi:

    Panchhi nadiyan pawan ke jhoken
    Koi sarhad naa inhe roke
    Sarhaden insaano ke liye hain
    Socho, tumne aur maine
    Kya paaya insaan hoke?

    [ Birds, rivers, gusts of wind
    No border inhibits them
    Borders are for people
    Think about it, what have you and I
    Obtained by being born as humans? ]

  • Speaking of boundaries, I was recently enlightened about the fact that a non-citizen US resident cannot adopt a baby outside the US.The rules are so hard that they make it practically impossible to adopt internationally. Which means we cannot even have a serious thought on adopting a baby from India, if we want to. That is… sad.
  • Work has been a roller coaster ride recently. Challenges thrown from left-right-center. I try catching them all carefully, and yet some slip and fall. There is only so much one can do and I try telling it to myself almost every single day. When things go haywire, there are days when I log off feeling miserable, head spinning, discontent and frustrated. But, there are also good days when I sign off humming a happy song, utterly satisfied and grateful. The husband reminds me not to let work control my emotions so much. And I agree to do better at drawing my lines to separate them both. I haven’t seen much success so far . How do you do it, keep your emotions disconnected from work stuff that is, share some good tips, will you?
  • Have been trying my hand at Radio Jockeying and it has been..well, sweet so far. I enjoyed the first few sessions, put my best into preparing for the show, scripts, recording and editing. Did not care if it meant less sleep and long nights. Eagerly waited for my show to go live on air and beamed proudly when it did. Jumped and screamed with joy when people said they liked what they heard even if it were my own friends and cousins :) But, the glamour of the whole thing is starting to fade now. I gave a chance and tried, but happy to leave behind to look for something new. Honestly, I don’t think I am cut for it. If it takes so much effort, time and brain-wracking, probably I am doing it wrong. Supposed to be smooth and easy , this RJing thing, right? Oh, well :P
  • You remember Ana-Swetha from here, right? Her family and ours are very good friends now :) We visit them often- the kids play among each other while we sit and chat in the kitchen with a cup of chai. Ana-Swetha and me have danced in the living room to random music, walked to the park holding hands and generally laughed and hugged tight. I still speak to her in Kannada and she still runs to me when she hears my voice. Baby sat her one evening when the parents took a deserved break and I think I did pretty well! Their family is so full of warmth and cheer, sometimes I am overwhelmed with joy just by being around them. Meeting them is one of the best things that happened to us in the past year and I feel so much richer in life by the gift of it all :)
  • Leisure reading has always been a thing of less priority mainly because..er..there hardly is leisure to sit down with a book with a toddler around :) But, the blog world has been so inspiring to push my limits and create that time for books, especially voracious readers like herself. The pleasure of living those characters through the words on a good book is so addicting.The drowsy eyes and sleepy head in the mornings are still worth the late nights cozied up in the sofa with a book! Some of my favorites so far:

    -Water for Elephants  by Sara Gruen
    -The Help  by Kathryn Stockett
    -The Life of Pi  by Yann Martel
    -The Client  by John Grisham
    -The palace of Illusions
    -Mistress of Spices
    -Sister of my heart…all  by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
    -Nefertiti  by Michelle Moran
    -A Thousand Splendid Suns  by Khaled Hosseini

    Recommendations for a must-read or a link to your favorite list is much appreciated :)

  • Two vacations highlighted my year of 2012. One is the solo trip to India. Just me and Paapu, while the husband stayed back.It was all about visiting uncles, aunts, cousins and friends – wondering how much you have missed them through the years and why the heck didn’t you keep in touch more often! It was also about strolling in the greens of the many relatives who own beautiful gardens:IMG_3635..also about gorging on mangoes! Oh, the juicy, sweet, nectar-like Mangoes! :)
    The one thing that stands out in my memory though is the evening I got to meet this girl ! I have admired her blog for so long- the way she spins words so effortlessly, the honesty in every single of the posts and most of all – her perspective, which is just so unique and incredibly mature.Sitting across the table with her and chatting up felt absolutely wonderful! She was just the way her blog portrayed and much much more. In fact, she made me think back about how I used to be at her age, not too long ago – naive, timid and somewhat dumb, if you ask me, especially in comparison to her :D

    Oh, and this framed doodle art gifted by her sits on my bedroom table next to a family picture -…makes me smile big whenever I look at it. Love you and your art dear girl :)

    The other vacation was towards the end of 2012 – a much awaited trip to Hawaii. The last time we visited the islands Paapu was quietly growing in my tummy- a nostalgic post here. This visit though, we had a cheery little girl building sand castles on the beach, running in the trails in the tropical forests and watching the sun go down into the sea leaving orange footprints in the sky.

  • Paapu is turning three next month. THREE. Yes, you heard me right. When did she stop being a baby and turn into this talkative little preschool going girl? I have no clue! Sample some of the laugh moments:

——-

Midnight stroke of 12 on the new years eve. I grab Paapu in the middle of the party to say “Happy new year!”
“Huh? Happy..What ?”

[ Note to self - Toddlers don't understand the sense of time - not in seconds, minutes or in ( happy new) years.]
——-
” Paapu, no Preschool today. It’s closed for holiday”
“Yes. They shut the doors and locked it really tight.Very tight. Cannot open.”
“??!”

..after a few days of Christmas holidays,

“Paapu, your preschool opens tomorrow”
“They open the door? Was very tight closed, how they open?

——-
“”Good Job!”
“No, Amma, I am not Good Job. I am Good Girl!”
——-
Middle of the night, everyone is sound asleep.

“Amma!”
I wake up shocked by the cry, “What, what happened baby?”
“Amma, she is not sharing her toys with me”
“Aww, that’s okay, it’s a dream, sleep now..shhh” , patting her back to sleep.
..after 20 minutes
“Amma..! She is still not sharing her toys with me!”
Apparently, toddlers dream in saga episodes, who knew ;)
——-

I am driving the car and the noise from the backseat gets irritating.

“Paapu. Stop screaming. Stop it.”
“Ok Amma, don’t be angry. I will scream very quietly. Okay?”

——-

She is a silly goose, isn’t she? :D

That’s about it for now.

Stay happy there :)

Cheers!

This entry was posted in My perspective, Paapu Tales. Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to The many things on my mind

  1. Scribby says:

    The ‘I’m not good job’ cracked me up so much so that colleagues around me gave me shocked stare ;)

    Paapu will be 3? Oh yes, that reminds me my little girl will be 2 :( how these girls grow out of their baby clothes but we parents refuse to accept this no? :)

    All the CBD books I’ve read and loved too ! Especially Palace of illusions!

    Work and Life separate? Tough job that, I’m telling you, but we have to do it and have to be a slightly different person at work…but on the contrary I feel what’s the harm in being oneself at work too? I mean okay we must not get too attached to work issues and all that but if we cannot it’s okay, at the end of the day we don’t want to set a target for ourselves of being a different person, with so many other things in life going on,right? Just other way to look at it :) :)

    On Adoption: one of my best friends in the US also wanted to adopt a daughter from India and she is facing lot of delays and problems in that :( why even such a simple and noble things are difficult to do in life!

    • Hey Scribby, putting on two different faces -one for work and the other at home can get very exhausting, you are right. That’s why I get mixed up in the roles sometimes :D

      Hope your friend in the US is successful in her adoption plans.

  2. HappyFeet says:

    My lil man turned three a couple of weeks ago so I can totally understand your shock! :)

    Meeting you was one of my 2012 highlights too. thank you for such nice words AHK :)

    And I am so happy about you getting richer with grace this year. Told you, don’t let them go :) God bless.

    • Ditto on the 2012 highlight. Now every time I see a post..I go “have actually met her..in person!” in my head. :D

      Yes, yes, I recall your comment for never letting them go. Glad I didn’t :)

  3. Nisha says:

    Your Paapu sounds really cute! Hugs!

  4. Visha says:

    I love reading your posts AHK :)

    Pappu sounds clever :D

    Panchi nadiyaan is a beautiful song, lyrically as well as musically.

    Keep writing more, please :)

  5. DewdropDream says:

    Scream quietly :D hahahaha!

    I hope 2013 brings you a lot of (good) excitement, travel and a mostly-great work-life :)

  6. Wanderer says:

    Ah! a post at last. Paapu sure is growing fast! And her antics are so damn cute. Oh yes, you need to travel more. I’d probably go into depression if I couldn’t travel for more than 3 months in a row.

    • It’s been way more than 3 months in my case..but small weekend trips and local getaways have kept me sane:)

      • Wanderer says:

        Guess what? It’s been almost an year since I travelled. To say I’m going nuts would be an understatement. I’m trying my best not to get on to anyone’s nerves. And you need to do a post soon hon. How long has it been? More than 6 months!!!

  7. Yeah how soon the kids grow. Reading this made me realise that your daughter is a few months younger to my son. And i wonder toohow soon they grow and how mucb he talks!
    As for not getting affected by work-im yet to figure out how to compartmentalise :-( i tend to react to the good and bad days at work too

  8. Swaram says:

    Good to have u back AHK :) Happy 2013!
    Luv the Pappu moments :) And loved reading about Ana-Swetha again!

  9. So much to comment on!
    But very quickly,
    -Loved to see a post from you! I smiled at my Reader.
    -If you liked Nerfetiti, you’d also like Cleopatra’s Daughter
    -Visa renewing is such a pain every single time no matter how straight forward your case is!
    -Wish you get to travel merrily more in 2013
    -Paapu rocks. :D Oh the cuteness!

  10. Stone says:

    Good to see you back.
    My son too turned 3 couple of weeks back, and I can totally relate to this post :-)

  11. Comfy says:

    Adoption – there are so many who try to get kids of the family (brother/sister’s kids) in to US via adoption that the laws are getting more and more strict. Unlawful deeds of some impact the rest who really want to do things for the right reasons.
    Work – God I wish I knew how to keep it away from my life
    Books – So many in the to read list, but no time :|
    Paapu – the biggest reason to smile :) She is such cuteness. And wait for the day when you tells you, ‘Amma you did not say, good job. That is not good behavior’. Happens all the time in my house. Sigh! They grow up too soon.

  12. Oh dear I hear you on the visa renewals, it seems never ending and like you said I hate to restrain myself with those restrictions.
    Panchhi nadiyan is one of my favorite songs too.
    I wasn’t aware of that rule either, every time we discuss about second child, we end up here.
    Work is always a roller coaster ride, but we can’t imagine a life without it either. That’s my problem.
    You did Radio Jockeying, sounds fun, do you have link,why don’t you publish here for us?
    I so wish if I could sit and read peacefully, hardly get any time.
    You look beautiful and Paapu with Mango looks so delicious.
    I am not Good Job LOL.
    Paapu is turning three, I recently went through my daughter’s baby pics and just couldn’t believe. They grow so fast…
    I will scream very quietly sounds so cute..Hugs and kisses to the little gal.

    • Oh yes , cannot imagine a life without the work aspect too. RJing was fun as long as it lasted. I do not have a link to publish here, sorry.
      Readign peacefully is out of question, I grab my few minutes whenever possible. But mostly get a chunk of 30 minutes after Pappu sleeps off :)

      Thansk for the nice words LittleFingers.

  13. Sreelu says:

    hey what show did you RJ, would have loved to hear you. Hold on tight it does not take long for cute pre schooler to teenager and then what ever you say end with what ever and a epic eye roll. wishing you happy new year .

  14. > Stop Paapu from growing up anymore…right away!!! :( She can’t grow up :(
    > I agree with CR; you’ll love Cleopatra’s Daughter. I’m reading it right now.
    > Paapu is SO Cute! :D “Scream quietly” :D :D
    > Visa – I so know what you mean!
    > Travel – may you be blessed with many many more trips :)

  15. You make me laugh. You make me think. You can also make me cry. Good to have you back:) And in 2013 in ENVISION (;)) you going for holidays and enjoying leisurely reading:-) And next time you come to India, drop in a line. Would love to catch up with you:)

  16. cupofgoodness says:

    That list of your favorite books helps me a lot! Have been looking for recommendations on what to read. My recommended book for you is what I’m reading these days – ‘The Opposite of Fate’ by Amy Tan.

  17. Anu says:

    I’ve like visited this page a 100 times checking for new posts…and each time I’ve forgotten to leave a comment. Well, not this time!
    – that’s one of my favourite songs too – especially since it’s sung by Sonu Nigam! :)
    – Work controls our life so much na, I totally identify with that… I’m like that too!
    – Wow, you a RJ! cool! do post a link for us to listen to!
    – good to read about Ana-Swetha and her family and that you are good friends now :)
    – Wow, nice list – I think I’ve read about half of them, hopefully will get to read the others too!
    – Hot mommy is right! you look like a young girl in that photo! who can say that you have a 3 year old daughter?!
    – That vacation sounds like heaven! Wish you get to have many such get-aways this year…
    – And finally belated wishes for a very happy birthday to little paapu, who’s not so little any more! Hope she had lots of fun and has a lovely, healthy and happy year ahead! :)

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