Pink or Blue ?

First off, one BIG sorry for not having put the update as promised in the last post. From the day after the major ultrasound, I have been itching to write a post about it all. But, I am one of those who want to accomplish a lot in a day and end up doing just the fraction of it.Hmmph! Much happening at office and even more happening on weekends with cousins and friends…just more reasons for me to procrastinate posting.

Here is a glimpse of Diwali and then recently Halloween!

Lovin' the lighs and sparks

Am a Flapper from the 1920's

Coming to the point of this post – The big Ultrasound session where they tell the sex of the baby!

The day of the appointment arrived, but me and H still did not arrive at a decision. “To find out or not?”
If you know even a bit of the anxious me, you know which side I took

5 months and a week

Planning the name or going shopping for pink or blue is the least of my concerns (in fact, hate that color segregation). My biggest point of argument – When I can, why can’t I just know ahead of time and start dreaming about my little Daughter or Son? Why should I keep a hazy baby picture in my imagination when I have the option for a clear delightful one?

But H had his points. He would not miss the thrill and utter delight of announcing “It’s a Boy!” or “It’s a Girl!” on the day of His/Her arrival. He kept insisting that he wants a surprise. Lots of coaxing and pleading only led to a stern ” Ok, go ahead and find out. But, don’t ever tell me! I shall find out when the baby comes.”

Sigh. Now, that kind of a statement is supremely unrealistic… How can I know and keep it to myself??!!

Anyway, my argument was ONE versus the entire army of people in the family. Not just the H and his folks, but mine too  Everyone just wanted a surprise, the traditional way.

So, when I lay on the bed at the Ultrasound session straining my neck to get a clear glance at the picture on the monitor and when the technician asked me “I have seen the sex of the baby. You wanna know?”…..I looked at the H to find an answer.

He was facing the monitor directly, watching his baby move and change postures. There was just one big happy grin on his face, least bothered about what I would answer to the technician lady.

I could have just said a “yes” and be jumping in joy announcing to the world right now. But, something in the heart  just ticked off at that moment and made me say “We cannot decide that yet. Can you please give it to us in a sealed envelope instead?”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes”

“Okay, you guys can open it together when you decide to know, if at all”

“Hmm..that’s the idea”

So, we have an envelope with a little piece of paper that says “BOY” or “GIRL” inside. Sealed and kept under the drawer just below God’s place at home. Still intact.

I did hover around the place a lot initially and even tried holding it up to the light for a sneak peek inside

But now, I feel good about the decision I made. If that makes everyone else happy, I can wait a few more months……the little prince/princess will come to me anyway

There’s one little twist to the story though. The technician was a young lady who explained all the captures on the monitor and showed us the details – arms, legs, feet, spinal cord, face, lips, eyes…

At one point she exclaimed, “Look, She is sucking her thumb!“

Did you notice THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD there???

Yes, it could be a SHE after all…unless that technician lady was just using a generic term. But, hey, ‘HE’ is more generic usually, no?

I still have the sealed envelope and I still have my hazy dreams…but more often than not, I have been imagining my baby in a frock, two tiny ponytails and dimples, one on each cheek

Sharing some very precious pictures of my baby here..the black and whites from the ultrasound. The first one shows a facing up relaxed posture from the side view . You can see the face, stomach and folded legs. The spinal chord is also visible at this stage. The second one is also a side view, rather blurry. But, know what is awesome about it? She/He is clearly holding up her palm ..waving a ‘Hii!” , you see ?

Now, wish the best for this little one…to grow Healthy, Happy and Smart!

Will ya please ?

 

The Preggo Points

At 4 months and a week now, I jotted down things that pregnancy has brought me. When does a smile come in and when does a cringe happen. Here goes:

——————————

Smile

- Hubby waking me up with a kiss on the forehead followed by another on the tummy.

- Hubby actually remembering (without reminders!) and making me hot chocolate in  the morning, cutting and packing fruits for lunch dessert, lovingly hiding cookies and other snacks in my carry bag for office hungry hours.

- The extra attention from friends and cousins. Expected to do the least and pampered the most – bliss!

- The wide range of maternity clothing options and a long day of shopping for them in the mall.

- An impromptu visit to the Ice cream shop late in the night for a  No-Guilt-Ice-Cream-loaded-with-chocolate-chips-and-roasted-nuts. What calories?  The doc wants me to have lotsa milk products, fruits and nuts

- Appa Amma and the in-laws checking on me every day and reminding Hubby to be nice to me…every single time! Hehehe.

- The caring enquiries about what I am craving for and actually having some of  them cooked and brought home by awesome friends and relatives here.

- Telling out to an unsuspecting (or so I think) acquaintance or colleague that ‘I am having a baby!’ and watching their face bloom into a happy smile followed by a hearty hug.

- Just lying down on the bed and softly moving my hands over the bulging tummy and imaging what s/he is up to

——————————

Cringe

- Waking up every morning feeling heavier than the day before.

- Mid night trips to the loo. The bladder wins over sleepy eyes and tired head, every single time. Arrgh!

- Frequent throbbing head aches which are manageable, but annoying nevertheless.  They don’t need a reason nor an invitation (of course!).

- Dressing up ( to the office, a casual get together or a grand party ) means sitting and staring at those nice looking ‘before’ clothes in the wardrobe and  feeling depressed at how big you have gotten for any of them now. Sigh!

- The sex, or the lack of it The first 3 months was a total dry spell, thanks to  the doc who wanted us to ‘take it easy’ because she saw some unexpected fluid outside the sac in my uterus. It’s well over the 4th month now and we have had interesting nights for not more than 2 times hence. What is with the hubby acting with all care and affection in bed when I would really appreciate some love and action!

- The hands-tied-down feeling when I am not able to go dandia dancing on navarathri nights, go river rafting on a weekend trip, go biking or running when I  feel like it, go on any more adventurous vacation for some time to come. I know, I  can still take up any/all of these. Many do. But, my history with pregnancy added with the paranoid advices and suggestions from everybody who cares, has actually  tied me up. I stay satisfied with long walks, leisurely non adventure trips,  some lucky days at the riverside strolling barefoot on the wet pebbles.

- Enquiring and advising is all fine. But, I really DO NOT want unsolicited suggestions and tips from few of those nosy women who think they are the gurus of it all  since they have had one or two kids. Each woman is different and please understand  that I cannot be you and do exactly what you ate, said or did.

- My list of food cravings is short, very short. The first line says ‘Fruits’,  second says ‘Any dish tangy and spicy’ and the last line ( in big bold letters)  says ‘Amma’s hand cooked meals’. Enough said. I miss my Amma ( yes Appa too) so very much….come to me soooooon

- The thought of the D-day when I will go into labor..the hysterical pain, the crying. I can almost imagine it and tears of fear swell up. Billions have gone through it, so what big deal with me now, you ask? I have not been in any of their shoes and have only heard stories from people…in fact witnessed one closely.My daily prayers involve pleading to the Gods to make it all right..give me enough strength for a safe and normal delivery.Enough strength to look at my baby and hold it close with a smile..before passing out from exhaustion maybe

——————————

I realize that the pluses totally outweigh the minuses when it comes to the final result. I can’t wait to hold that warm little wrapped bundle in my arms with two rosy cheeks and a pair of twinkling eyes peeping out curiously

By the way, Happy Dussehra to all those who celebrate. Be good and have fun!

Will bring you latest updates from the doc’s room in a few weeks. Maybe.. just maybe… I will have an announcement – BOY or GIRL !

Watch this space

At 4 months and a week now, I jotted down things that pregnancy has brought me. When does a smile come in and when does a cringe happen. Here goes:

——————————

Smile

- Hubby waking me up with a kiss on the forehead followed by another on the tummy.

- Hubby actually remembering (without reminders!) and making me hot milk chocolate in  the morning, fruits cut and packed for lunch dessert, cookies and other snacks lovingly packed and hidden in my carry bag for office hungry hours.

- The extra attention I receive from friends and cousins. Expected to do the least and pampered the most – bliss!

- The wide range of maternity clothing options and a long day of shopping for them in the mall.

- An impromptu visit to the Ice cream shop late in the night for a  No-Guilt-Ice-Cream-loaded-with-chocolate-chips-and-roasted-nuts. What calories?  The doc wants me to have lotsa milk products, fruits and nuts

- Appa Amma and the in-laws checking on me every day and reminding Hubby to be nice to me…every single time! Hehehe.

- The caring enquiries about what I am craving for and actually having some of  them cooked and brought home by awesome friends and relatives here.

- Telling out to an unsuspecting ( or so I think) acquaintance or colleague that  ’I am having a baby!’. and watching their face bloom into a happy smile followed by a hearty hug.

- Just lying down on the bed and softly moving my hands over the bulging tummy and imaging what s/he is up to

———————–

Cringe

- Waking up every morning feeling heavier than the day before.

- Mid night trips to the loo. The bladder wins over sleepy eyes and tired head, every single time. Arrgh!

- Frequent throbbing head aches which are manageable, but annoying nevertheless.  They don’t need a reason nor an invitation (of course!).

- Dressing up ( to the office, a casual get together or a grand party ) means sitting and staring at those nice looking ‘before’ clothes in the wardrobe and  feeling depressed at how big you have gotten for any of them now. Sigh!

- The sex, or the lack of it The first 3 months was a total dry spell, thanks to  the doc who wanted us to ‘take it easy’ because she saw some unexpected fluid outside the sac in my uterus. It’s well over the 4th month now and we have had interesting nights for not more than 2 times hence. What is with the hubby acting with all care and affection in bed when I would really appreciate some love and action!

- The hands-tied-down feeling when I am not able to go dandia dancing on navarathri nights, go river rafting on a weekend trip, go biking or running when I  feel like it, go on any more adventurous vacation for some time to come. I know, I  can still take up any/all of these. Many do. But, my history with pregnancy added with the paranoid advices and suggestions from everybody who cares, has actually  tied me up. I stay satisfied with long walks, leisurely non adventure trips,  some lucky days at the riverside strolling barefoot on the wet pebbles.

- Enquiring and advising is all fine. But, I really DO NOT want unsolicited  suggestions and tips from those few women who think they are the gurus of it all  since they have had one or two kids. Each woman is different and please understand  that I cannot be you and do exactly what you ate, said or did.

- My list of food cravings is short, very short. The first line says ‘fruits’,  second says ‘any dish tangy and spicy’ and the last line ( in big bold letters)  says ‘Amma’s hand cooked meals’. Enough said. I miss my Amma ( yes Appa too) so  very much….come to me soooooon

- The thought of the D-day when I will go into labor..the hysterical pain, the  crying. I can almost imagine it and tears of fear swell up. Billions have gone through it, so what big deal with me now? I have not been in any of their shoes and have only heard stories from people…in fact witnessed one closely.My daily prayers involve pleading to the Gods to make it all right….give me enough strength for a safe and normal delivery. Enough strength to look at my baby and hold it close with a smile..before passing out

———————

I realize that the pluses totally outweigh the minuses when it comes to the final result. I can’t wait to hold that warm little bundle in my arms with two rosy cheeks and a pair of twinkling eyes peeping out curiously

By the way, Happy Dussehra to all those who celebrate. Be good and have fun!

Will bring you latest updates from the doc’s room in a few weeks. Maybe.. just maybe… I will have an announcement – BOY or GIRL !

Watch this space

 

Horrors, by mistake :)

A high spirited, chirpy new friend of mine tagged me quite some time back.

Quoting the clichéd ‘better late than never’, here is the list of my domestic horrors:

———————————————————————————–

I am this just-married brand new bride who does not know the in-law’s language and hence communicates with them mostly in English or sign language.  It is only a couple of days with the in-laws and the MIL switches over from English to her native language (Tamil) without any warning! I smile or nod stupidly at everything she says, with no clue about the meaning whatsoever

One fine morning I am seated in the living room with the newspaper when MIL walks by saying something in Tamil. I nod with a smile, as usual, before getting back to the newspaper.

In a few minutes, I smell something burning. But, I had no reason to worry – MIL was in charge of the kitchen anyway, I thought. The smell just kept getting worse and I opened the windows and doors to drive it out. Finally, when there was no sign of the stink subsiding, I entered the kitchen to find NOBODY there, but a vessel full of milk boiling and spilling out into the flames !!

Apparently, the MIL had told me in her PUREST form of Tamil that she was going out for a while and there is milk boiling on the stove. Bah! I was embarrassed to bits when FIL and my other half laughed hard at my horror stricken face.

But, heaven knows I wanted to shout at the MIL and say- “You could have cut some slack and told it in English for this poor Non-Tamil soul here, no??!”

———————————————————————————–

Me and H moved into our first little rented house in Bangalore a little after the wedding and set up a ‘home’ together. After recovering from the initial shock to learn that I am in charge of the kitchen all by myself with no help, I got to serious business. From cooking rice to making sambhar and curry – H yielded ( had no other way, I guess) to be the guinea pig for my culinary experiments Some misses and some hits, but I grew more confident by the day.

One morning, when H was away in office, I was frying some veggies but got distracted and went away to the other room, only to come back and find all my hard work turned to black charcoal in the pan.I couldn’t take that kind of insult on my attempts (ahem), picked up the purse and walked out to a nearest restaurant.

I came back home with a big styrofoam box full of hot spicy curry, nicely transferred it into a fresh vessel, stirred it with a spoon and covered with a lid. H came home for lunch those days because I was not yet working then. Plus, he loved the yummy home made food his new wife made ( or so I like to believe). No doubt, the ’special curry’ received much compliments and I was praised to no end…he thought I had finally got there! ( where?)

Only a couple of years later, when I had indeed mastered most of his favorite dishes did I let him into the truth of the special curry he enjoyed so much one day and wondered why I did not make it that way ever again !

———————————————————————————–

I was working on a project assignment and moved to the US for the first time, alone. I was put up in a company provided fully furnished apartment. It had a beautiful kitchen with all amenities – Fridge and Oven to vessels and spoons, you name it. I mostly cooked, but ordered in on lazy days. The leftover pizza that I ordered on one of those days was packed in a silver foil and kept aside for dinner. At night, I promptly picked it up , with the silver foil et all , put it in the microwave and pressed ‘Start’.

It took only a few seconds before fumes started emerging out wickedly. I was too nervous to even get closer and switch off. But, thankfully, it switched off on its own soon… after a loud explosion creating a big hole  on the microwave door

My company was too kind and paid the damage costs while the apartment people left me with a warning only.Why? Maybe because the whole thing did not involve a fire engine and police knocking on their doors. Hehehe.

———————————————————————————–

Cannot think of any major horror story since then. Oh, that translates to “I have now become so much responsible and cautious and superb at all I do in the kitchen ..I am simply – awesomely – fantastically GREAT!”

Ok, not exactly that..but something like that

What’s your part of the horror story?

 

Watching TV is all I do!

It is a lazy Sunday noon and she is browsing through the channels on TV. She soon finds something interesting and starts watching it .

He comes by and sees his wife busy staring at the idiot box and says “Am going out to finish some errands. See you in a while.”

She mumbles a soft “Okay dear, Bye, Drive safe” and continues to do what she was doing.

After about 15 minutes, she switches off the TV, gets up and ties up her hair into a ponytail.

The laundry bags are full, she carries them out to the washing machines, loads and let that run.

She collects the filled up trash bags from the kitchen and then the bathroom, walks out to the main trash area and disposes them.

The sink in the kitchen is half full with dirty dishes, she clears it into the dishwasher. A bunch of vessels are greasy and she patiently scrubs and rinses them to look shiny again.

She remembers there was a raw green mango in the fridge and prepares a spicy chutney out of it. She is happy with the result and decides to pack it for their lunch next day with some Idlis.

‘The laundry must be done’, she thinks and goes out to collect it. On the way she notices that the shoe rack is untidy. All that is set right in a few minutes.

She comes back with fresh smelling clean laundry and carefully folds the big load of clothes one by one. Shirts, trousers, skirts, tops , undies and socks all go to their respective shelves in the cupboard.

The plants in the patio look thirsty and she lovingly pours some water for them to liven up again.

By now, she feels thirsty herself and makes two cups of tea with cardamom and ginger. Just the way her husband likes it. She keeps one aside for him and slowly sips hers.

She casually picks up the remote and rests her tired back on the couch and browses through the TV channels.

She soon finds something interesting and starts watching it .

He comes in and sees his wife busy staring at the idiot box and says “You sit in front of the TV all day. Why not get up and do something?”

She throws a puzzled look at him ..  ”Huh?!!!!!!!!”

 

Yes, that’s another example of how my work goes royally unnoticed every single time. I just sit and watch TV all day, you see.

Iis a lazy Sunday noon and she is browsing through the channels on TV. She soon finds something interesting and starts watching it .

He comes by and sees his wife busy watching the idiot box and says “Am going out to finish some errands. See you in a while.”

She mumbles a soft “Okay dear, Bye, Drive safe” and continues to do what she was doing.

After about 15 minutes, she switches off the TV, gets up and ties up her hair into a ponytail.

The laundry bags are full, she carries them out to the washing machines, loads and let that run.

She collects the filled up trash bags from the kitchen and then the bathroom, walks out to the main trash area and disposes them.

The sink in the kitchen is half full with dirty dishes, she clears it into the dishwasher. A bunch of vessels are greasy and she patiently scrubs and rinses them to look shiny again.

She remembers there was a raw green mango in the fridge and prepares a spicy chutney out of it. She is happy with the result and decides to pack it for their lunch next day with some Idlis.

‘The laundry must be done’, she thinks and goes out to collect it. On the way she notices that the shoe rack is untidy. All that is set right in a few minutes.

She comes back with fresh smelling clean laundry and carefully folds the big load of clothes one by one. Shirts, trousers, skirts, tops , undies and socks all go to their respective shelves in the cupboard.

The plants in the patio look thirsty and she lovingly pours some water for them to liven up again.

By now, she feels thirsty herself and makes two cups of tea with cardamom and ginger. Just the way her husband likes it. She keeps one aside for him and slowly sips hers.

She casually picks up the remote and rests her tired back on the couch and browses through the TV channels.

She soon finds something interesting and starts watching it .

He comes in and sees his wife busy watching the idiot box and says “You sit in front of the TV all day. Why not get up and do something?”

!!!!!!!!

Yes, that’s another example of how my work goes royally unnoticed every time. I just sit and watch TV all the time, you see. 

 

Just a little annoying :)

Last Friday was the first time I went pub hopping, got super sloshed (over 3 glasses of wine and a margarita) and stepped into that fuzzy  world of happy giggling-over-nothing and stupid non-stop-talking. But, know what? In spite of the madness, I was perfectly conscious of what I was talking or doing..err.just that I wasn’t able to stop. H saved himself for the drive back, as soon as he saw me going overboard. (I am proud of you my dear )

Anyway, When we finally made it home at 3 AM next day, I remember H walking me back to the house totally ignoring my clever suggestions to spend the night in the car because it was warm there..and walking to the house was cold.

It took only a couple of minutes inside the house when I realized the fuzzy happiness was all churning inside and demanded to come out immediately. I made a quick run to the bathroom to let it all out into the sink ( Yuckk! That one was a first time too..not really proud of it). Reality had still not hit but I couldn’t stand the mess and started cleaning up. Though H tried, he wasn’t able to lure me to go and sleep! I crashed only when I had done my cleaning job as best as I could in that drunken state

That much of a prelude to come to this point – Waking up to an unclean sink in the morning is not my only pet peeve. There is quite a list. Take a look

- Have to be reading something as I do my ‘long business’ in the restroom. If nothing, I should read at least the labels and ingredients on the shampoo bottle lying nearby.

- Need to have the bathtub absolutely free of any hair residuals. I will end up taking shower with closed eyes if its not my house and I can’t clean that tub.

- It is absolutely necessary that I delete any spam message on my personal email accounts as soon as I see it, that instant. Ditto with the server notification emails on my office account.

- Sleep on the right side of the bed always. H can crib or cry, he is not having that side. Sorry honey!

- The bedroom door has to closed when I go to bed. Doesn’t matter if its only me and H in the whole house and the front door is locked.

- Once you step out of the house, coming back to get anything forgotten, brings bad luck. So, sit down, at least for a microsecond before going out again. Amma used to say that and follow sincerely. I find that reasoning funny, but can’t stop doing it anyways!

- Unless there are any kids playing and dragging things around, the living room should have every single piece of furniture in its allotted place. If H needs to get me all worked up, he just needs to shift the chairs a little or move the table a bit out of angle..and watch the fun.

- Kitchen needs to be totally under my control, when I cook. You take over and do the full job if you like. But, please don’t offer help. I might not sound exactly polite when I say “Stop! I’ll manage on my own. Thanks.”

- All doors on the kitchen cabinet need to remain closed while not in use. Leaving them partially open, for any reason, just won’t do at all.

- Pray for at least a few minutes everyday and make sure that includes wishing for happiness and peace for everyone in the world. God might otherwise assume I am really selfish to ask favors for me and my people only no?

 

Your turn now. Leave a comment or take this up as a tag. Tell me your list of pet peeves.

Oh, come on now, everyone has some of it right?…..right?    

* looks worried when there’s no answer *

 

Drumroll Please….!

Last Friday, the 3rd of April, 2009 at around 8:30 in the morning, the Digital Test Stick I peed on, showed me this :

Yes, Yes, That’s right people!

I AM PREGNANT!

I can’t seem to stop saying and thinking of that moment ever since!

The blood test from the doctor’s lab showed up with a ‘POSITIVE’ soon after.

So, its official…I have a tiny little life happening inside me right this moment, as I type!
Uh…I so can’t believe it yet..really. I have been just constantly reminding myself and feeling overwhelmingly happy every single time

Now, here is the story, if you want to know:

It all started in April 2008 when my craving to have a baby took over and I seriously started thinking of having one.We both were within our reproductive age limits, we were married for more than 3 years and spent all that time together doing every single thing we loved to do – travelling being the most favorite.

From Himalayas to Kerala/Kanyakumari in India; from Newyork to California in the US, we had done all the travelling we could.To top it all, our biggest travel wish – Touring across Europe, was coming true in a few days. The tickets were ready, bags packed and the spirits high.

I discussed my mind with H and finally asked “Why not make a baby in Switzerland, while we are there?”. He was taken aback at first, to see I had thought through it so much. But, as expected from any husbands (??), he threw my request out the window saying, “Do you even realize how big that thought is? Not a joke, babe. We are all set for our BIG trip in a few days. Don’t get me all worried over this now. Let’s just have fun, okay?”

I brought it up at least 2 more times during the trip, one time being ..err..right during the ‘moment’ on our soft cozy bed in our hotel room while in Switzerland. He used the condom anyways. Sigh!.

It took me 5 months to slowly and scrupulously make him think in my terms. One evening when his cousin/best friend announced their ‘good news’, he cheered for them heartily. But, I could see he was deep in thoughts that night. He was taking his time to get there.

A couple of days later, over a cup of tea, I asked “We should plan some exciting trip next. It’s been a while since the last one, na?”
And, he said ” No more long distance travel for sometime now.”

“And, why so? ” I questioned.

“Because, you need to take good care of yourself babe. We want to have a baby right?”

I smiled. He had finally gotten there

Starting that day, I hit Google with a thousand queries everyday – ‘trying to conceive’, ‘most fertile days’, ‘ovulation calendar’, ‘ dos and don’ts for couples trying to conceive’…and many many more. I devoured all info on every article and every forum I chanced upon.

With enough online knowledge up our sleeves, we set out on making a baby that month ( hehe, loved saying that). It was September 2008.

The process is so much fun, its orgasmic! Okay, that was a poor joke. But, we did enjoy it every bit From kinky clothes to candle light..from sweet talk to rough fights, I think we got pretty innovate with things. Moreover, you got to get a little creative when you need to have sex every single day for weeks , Don’t cha?

However, with every passing month, when my ‘Aunt Flow’ kept coming right at the precise date, we got bit worried. Once we completed 6 months of trying with no success, I took an appointment with my gynaec. She almost laughed and said it was too early for us to get worried. On an average only 80% of the ‘normal couples’ conceive in the first year of trying. And since I am well within the 30 year age limit, I should not even bother about the results until at least one year. She sent us home with a pat on the back and cheering ” Just have fun, no worries!”

In a couple of weeks, our India trip happened, as planned. During the one month there, I didn’t think our ‘efforts’ would be fruitful. A baby that could not be made in 6 months in a place with a perfect lifestyle, healthy diet, clean air and pure water, how would you expect to make it in 1 month in a place where every single day is insanely hectic, roads horribly polluted and overcrowded?

But hey, miracles do happen

May be it was Amma’s hand cooked meals, maybe the joy and content you feel while in presence of your family , maybe all the good vibes from visiting temples, maybe the good wishes from the loved ones or maybe just the combination of all these and more! This baby is definitely ‘Made in India’

I am five and a half weeks now. Too early to tell out the news? Hell, who cares. I am super excited and want to share it with you all anyway!

We broke the news to our parents together, on a video conference the other day. Words can’t describe how happy they were. My mom almost hugged the video camera

I have no symptoms (nausea, back pain or any such thing *Touch wood* ). But for the occasional craving to eat something tangy, I hardly feel pregnant!

Pray for me a little, you guys. Pray that this tiny life inside me stays put for the entire 9 months and makes it safely to this beautiful world, healthy and happy.

[Note: Have uploaded pics from the India trip on the post below, as promised.]

 

Beliefs, this and that.

I had plans to write down a fun list of things that has been happening with me in recent times.As I biked on the trail bearing the cold evening wind and smiling at the big bright moon above me yesterday, I made a mental note of all that I was going to jot down here.

But, I woke up to a strange day today.

No smile in return to my smile when I woke up, no ‘Good Morning’ hug, not even a word from H.

I knew the reason why, so let it pass. He is taking his time, but will be back to me soon..I thought.

Like any normal morning, on a working day, I got busy packing lunch for both of us while H went into the bathroom to shower. In some time, I heard him come out and get ready for office.

As I stood there, in the kitchen, very sure about H coming in to pick up his lunch and say bye, I heard the main door bang shut. I continued to stand there, fidgeting with the things on the kitchen counter, still assuming that he went out for something and will be back..to pick up his lunch and say bye.

I might have stood there for about 10 minutes before coming out to the living room and finding out his laptop bag gone. So, were his shoes and the car outside. All gone.

He had left..without a word.

Never happened before.

It started yesterday night when we went to this couples place ( Sh the wife and Mh the husband) for dinner.They are H’s distant relatives too.

Sh and Mh are one of the most open minded and liberal people I have known. From ideas for a better socio economic society to dealing with annoying people in the family, their perspective has mostly left me nodding my head and thinking ‘Wow! they should blog!’ (Yeah, I checked, they didn’t. Hmmmph.)

So, after dinner all 4 of us sat down with some really delicious Rasmalai, talking over general matters, when this sensitive topic came up.

Me and H have always had difference of opinion about how far can one go with religious beliefs. Yes, we both are hindus, still.

I am of the opinion that each have their own standards of being religious.

One might want to wake up at 4 AM in the morning and climb up 1000 steps up the hill and pray to feel connected to God.
While some others might just feel equally connected just by sitting at home and chanting a few mantras with devotion.

One might feel that falling at the feet of all the ‘holy’ men and accepting their ‘holy’ prasadam is one way to salvation.
While some others might detest the same, and think there need not be any mediators between you and God. Not holy men.

One might believe that donating generously to temples is the best way to support the betterment of society, indirectly.
While some others might believe direct donations for the betterment of poor and needy is the only way to go.

If you have not guessed yet, the latter are my type of people. H belongs to the former group of believers.

I was caught in the heat of the moment and proved to the crowd how H belongs to the old school of thought and has forced me into it, many times, without my consent. Sh and Mh, supported my point of view fairly aggressively.

I might have pulled some sensitive chord somewhere at some point during this whole thing…because H said ” Then, why did you ever have to marry me?”

I tried making the air lighter by joking ” Well, you did not have your religious beliefs listed on your resume when I chose to marry you” with a genuine smile.

But, I guess the damage was done.

H did not utter a word to me during the entire drive back. I tried my best to tell him that it was just a healthy discussion and I totally support his beliefs though I don’t believe in them.

It is way past 2 in the afternoon now, the next day..and there is still not a word from the other end.

I have left him a voice message , 2 emails and about 5 missed calls so far. I am not being let in, yet.

Hey H,

Have I done/spoken anything that deserves such a punishment?
I do have my right to speak my mind, no? You got your fair chance too.

Come on now, sweetheart, it is getting lonely without you already.

Temples, beliefs and holy men might be all that they are worth…but not enough to keep us sad like this.

Come on now, call up and say “I miss you too”.

I’ll eagerly wait for your bear hug when I reach home from office today.

Are you listening?

 

Gentle Simmer..

So, the trip was a huge success, can easily get into the list of one of  our best

I would love to blabber all that was of the days spent vacationing, but  will suffice with putting down just this one incident that got me thinking, and a little panicking too!

It was our first day of the trip. We had just reached Miami and it was late in the evening. And oh, did I mention that we had company?

Vi and Ne, a newly married enthusiastic couple we know, travelled along and were a delight to be around with. Vi, the boy, is a chilled out and fun character while Ne, the girl, is sweet and charming in all she does.

Married for hardly 8 months, they were very much into each other most of  the time.

We 4 got dressed and set out to take a leisurely walk on Ocean Drive near  the beach. A line of very interesting shops and restaurants and a  pleasant crowd made it a perfect place to spend the evening. The air smelt nice and music floated around while the gushing sound of the  waves made a soothing  background.

Definitely romantic na?

Hmmm..but this mad mind of mine did not let that be. 

Vi and Ne were walking ahead of us..koochikooing into each others ears  and laughing at silly jokes while Hubby had an arm casually thrown around  my neck .. his eyes gazed elsewhere. Then I realized he was looking at  everything EXCEPT me. A couple of times he called out to Vi to share a PJ  or info about the place. But never uttered anything to me.

I held him around the waist and walked along silently trying not to bother about my stupid thoughts. But, it doesn’t leave you so easily  now, does it?

With every step, my heart got heavier..more so when I saw the happy  looking couple in front of us lost in their world.

We are together for more than 4 years now, we have had many many  vacations and hundreds of such romantic evenings. Still, that doesn’t  mean he act so numb to me now.

Was it that he has taken me for granted. Am I like a ‘file attachment’  that will always remain along no matter what?

Was it that I no more generate any warm feelings in him on a beautiful  evening like this one?

Was our marriage getting stale..so soon? 

I kept thinking and my brows knotted tighter every minute. He didn’t notice.

My head started hurting with so much of negative thoughts and it came  out in the most unexpected manner – ” So, you are bored of me?”

Hubby was taken by surprise and asked me what was wrong. I mumbled something..he urged.

I really hate myself for the words I uttered then. I almost shouted at  him..blaming him for acting so inert and passive to me, having a keen eye on everything else but the one next to him..

I must have sounded really harsh, because he shouted back at me, almost  hysterically ..and walked back to the car.

The sweet evening had turned bitter for us. Neither of us were ready to  give up and say a sorry.

Back in the hotel room, I still could not bring myself to senses. I lay awake in  the bed sobbing softly. In any of our fights I take  longer than him to calm down. Normally he snaps back to a usual smile and  comes by to take a peek. But, not this time, no sire.

He didn’t sleep.. kept walking around in the room furious and lashing out choicest rude words at me. It hurt bad inside..the words prick harder than anything else, don’t they?

I covered my ears in despair and whispered to H, inside myself:

Just stop being so angry now, talk to me in a kind voice H ..just a word  or two in your usual loving tone..and I’ll run back into your arms. We’ll  be as happy as we were..and forget the bitter evening. 

I could have done it myself..in fact very much wanted to. But, that thing called ego never let me..just like it didn’t let H.

After, what seemed like hours, I called out to H and he turned to  me..still seething.

I said with utmost seriousness -

“You know, when you remain angry for so long it doesn’t look nice on  you. You look like an Orangutan actually.”

“What?”

“You look like an Orangutan when you are angry, really!”

A tiny smile crept on his face..and I laughed out.

H burst into laughter too.

We snuggled up to a stupid sorry and held each other the tightest we could.

All the days that followed were pure bliss. I could not bother less about  what Vi and Ne did or anybody else for that matter.

That incident and the retrospection later on made me realize that romance never left us, it just got pleasantly more comfortable and lingered.

We may not be whispering into each others ears and smiling every other minute, but we do have a good share of that, just enough and then a  little more..

As for the vacationing part, the sunshine state pampered us to bits. The Key Islands offered the best of beaches and the most awe inspiring views.

 

We Parasailed and went soaring up in the air;

We Snorkeled and swam amongst the colorful shiny fish;

We Jet skied and teased the choppy ocean waves;

We Kayaked and caressed the calm bay waters;

We Cruised on a catamaran and lost ourselves in the orange sunset skies..

 

All that was left of what happened on the first day was a warm sense of relief..and realization of what  I once read, probably at Silvara’s.

That, after a while, “Love doesn’t boil, it gently simmers.”

So true that one. So very true.

 

Tag Time !

When you have some extra time to while away and you are not exactly in the mood to write a post today, take up a tag people

Am doing this one passed on from one of my dear girls : ChildWoman

Okay, I am one who royally skips the ‘Rules’ part of any tag I read. So, chucking it here too.

The question paper was not as easy as expected

Anyways, here goes:

 

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

Hmmm..That would mean nothing less than the end of the relationship. While miserable days would follow, this butterfly will try hard, bounce back and flutter away soon after

 

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?

My current dream is to make a beautiful little baby girl and proudly bring her up. (God, you listening up there?)

 

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?

If possible, I would LOVE to kick the stupid big butts of all those corrupt politicians in India and appoint a socially responsible group of people instead. 

 

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

(Err, why does every single tag in the world have this billion dollar question?? ) 

Buy a big bright home with a splendid little garden. Take Appa-Amma to exotic places around the globe. Everything else will go towards resolving world hunger and poverty.

 

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?

Possible..as long as the best friend is a male

 

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?

Being loved, without doubt! I am big sucker at this .Always need to be loved.

 

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?

Is it too late to say I have never felt/ experienced love to that heights to say ‘forever’ here ?

However, I know a couple of guys who said that to me in their ‘Romeo Moments’ but are happily married now

 

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?

Ahmm.. If he is has not committed yet, I would tell him the secret anyway and cross my fingers in hope.

 

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?

Told it many times, telling again – World Hunger and Poverty. 

 

10. What takes you down the fastest?

The ones who think too high of themselves and look down upon you.

 

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?

Can’t paint a picture, but surely in very happy times

 

12. What’s your fear?

Standing all teary in public..with none to hold.

 

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

A wonderful being full of love. Beautifully down to earth.  Amazing writer.

 

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

Single and Rich. Poverty is a bane, easy said than experienced.

 

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

Call out to the hubby and hug him with a tight Kissie

 

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?

Hehe, that sounds like a joke. Two people at the same time? That’s probably attraction, not love.

 

17. Would you give all in a relationship?

Yes. As long as the other believes in it too.

 

18. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?

Nope! Not a chance!

 

19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

In a relationship. Definitely need a shoulder to lean on and lips to kiss on , when I feel like it

 

20. Tag 6 people.

You looking for a topic on the next post? Take this one up now, Free!

 

Pappu Pass ?

Rest can wait, I have a hot update from the plate.

I took my driving test today.

What’s the big deal, you ask ?? Read on :

California is one of those states with most strict driving laws and even stricter driving tests. Eight out of the ten people I know have not passed it until the second or third attempt

Back in my little town in India, I remember my driving test was a smooth sail, where passing or failing depended more on how much you could pay the inspector rather than how you drove Bad, I know..but what the heck, that was so easy !

But out here now, you realize how serious is this thing you are getting into when you casually tell people about your upcoming driving test and hear a really concerned and heartfelt ‘ Oh !! All the Best!”, more often accompanied by free pieces of advice :” Make sure you don’t slow down too much in a left turn” or “Keep scanning around while in school areas”.

Paranoia sets in pretty easily, especially for one like me who is so averse to driving ( Uh, oh, Fine..Scared of driving ) that I have been bicycling to office until now. Also, read that it makes me proud to bicycle – as a means of great exercise plus avoiding contribution to the traffic pollution !

I digress.

Initial practice sessions were with the hubby, who already has a bad reputation for temper. I respectfully accept the fact that I heard enough and more of foul words from that guy in those few weeks than any gangster in Chicago would ever hear in his lifetime. Okay, exaggeration. But I am a sensitive little being who happens to be his wife, come on now, show some love !

The hubby’s so-called training got so frustrating that I gulped down tumblers of my tears every time I drove. Finally, some solace arrived in the form of ‘Nick’, the driving instructor recommended by a close cousin.

Nick was more than 60 years of age, but maintained a healthy trim body for his small Chinese build. He never used foul words..but..err..yelled anyways, using normal words. Though he said ‘Kickklinggg’ for ‘Keep going’ and ‘ Fined Fote’ for ‘Blind Spot’, he did teach me some cool tricks to backup and parallel park.

However, the day before the test I figured that I held no hope for the next day. The hubby had never ever mentioned that I can pass nor had Nick. If I was worthy of so much yelling, I really didn’t make a good driver.. yet.

I wanted to give it a shot anyway and went to the test center after thorough prayers and pleadings to Lord Ganesha, my favorite one.

The inspector was a lady…sweet looking. She sat down next to me, smiled and softly said “Go straight until the end and then take a right, okay?”. And..my heart almost melted. For the first time in the history of this poor soul, a person had spoken politely/softly while driving !!! I clearly felt my spirits rise and before I knew I was making small talk with her on the road as I drove ( Hey, plain breathing was a big deal when driving with Hubby or Nick. So this one surely was something ! )

Take a left ; Change the lane ; Pull over to park ; Back up Reverse – Nothing was complicated anymore.

When done, it felt just natural to hear “Good, you passed.”

Hubby was shocked and Nick almost had a heart attack when I told the news. But, they did smile and nod affirmatively when I pointed out “The inspector never yelled at me. She spoke sweet and polite, I just had to drive and pass”.