Who leads?

It was a cool night, with a glowing full moon. Was way past midnight, but a bunch of us sat around the campfire sipping on our cognac and cracking up on silly jokes. One of them said in jest pointing at my husband , “And, he is the leader of his family!”

Everyone laughed. Except me.

“Leader of the family?”, I questioned the crowd. “Who appointed him the leader? There’s no leader in our family”

“Haha. Come on…”

I looked straight and said , ” No, am serious. I believe my house has no ‘leader’. As husband and wife we decide on all aspects of life together. We are a ‘team’, nobody leads or is considered higher authority.”

Laughing stopped and silence fell. While some of the men started fidgeting with obvious discomfort over the topic, the women had a confused look.

I asked one of them, “You tell me. Do you have a leader in your family?”

She hardly gave it a thought before saying, “Yes, of course. My husband”

“Okay. Why do you say so. Any reason?”

“Well. Be realistic. If there is a thief trying to break into the house, my husband will be put in the front line to safeguard the rest of us in the house. Isn’t that what the leader does?”

“Hmmm. I don’t think that alone is a good reason to be termed a leader.” I turned to another woman and asked, “What about you. You think your husband is the leader of your family?”

She took a second and said , ” Yes, I do”

“Why?”

“Because it is his surname the family takes on. For example, a bank official will ask for “XYZ Family” where XYZ is his surname”

“Then, what about people like me who don’t take up the husbands surname?”

“…”

I continued. “Forget the societal norms. Do you truly believe he is the leader? Which means he has full authority to overrule any decisions made for the family?”

“Well…no, that’s not what I meant”

“That brings to my point – where I think families of this age and generation do not have a ‘leader’. A family runs on team effort, mutual understanding ,conjoined decisions. It’s not like the old days when women stayed in the kitchen and meekly abided by the words of the husband , gave him supreme authority. Don’t you agree?”

The conversation was flipped over by another random joke and the topic met an untimely stop.
But, I keep wondering if my thinking makes sense.

Sharing here to see what you wise people out there have to say.

Am happy if you agree with me. More power to us!

But, if you don’t agree, I am here to listen. Tell me if there is a leader in your family. If so, on what basis and why?

 

The many things on my mind

Yes, it is going to be a bullet point post. Each of these have been floating in my head forming individual posts. But, I figured they will never make it here unless summarized in bullets anyway. I am ashamed of keeping this space untouched for so long and I want to apologize.  But, it just..just feels dishonest at this point.

• The year of 2012 was like a non-involved neighbor. Smiled back when I did, made small talk, shared some home made goodies but generally stayed to herself. No noise. No fun either.

  My biggest grouch was the lack of travel, the excitement it brings, the thrill of exploring the unexplored. Living an immigrant life bound by constant visa renewals sucks.To be required to stay within the boundaries of the country felt very restraining. Why so many boundaries, such stringent laws, so many constraints?  Let me free, I wish to fly.

  Reminds me of these beautiful Javed Akhtar lyrics in hindi:

  Panchhi nadiyan pawan ke jhoken
  Koi sarhad naa inhe roke
  Sarhaden insaano ke liye hain
  Socho, tumne aur maine
  Kya paaya insaan hoke?

  [ Birds, rivers, gusts of wind
  No border inhibits them
  Borders are for people
  Think about it, what have you and I
  Obtained by being born as humans? ]

• Speaking of boundaries, I was recently enlightened about the fact that a non-citizen US resident cannot adopt a baby outside the US.The rules are so hard that they make it practically impossible to adopt internationally. Which means we cannot even have a serious thought on adopting a baby from India, if we want to. That is… sad.

• Work has been a roller coaster ride recently. Challenges thrown from left-right-center. I try catching them all carefully, and yet some slip and fall. There is only so much one can do and I try telling it to myself almost every single day. When things go haywire, there are days when I log off feeling miserable, head spinning, discontent and frustrated. But, there are also good days when I sign off humming a happy song, utterly satisfied and grateful. The husband reminds me not to let work control my emotions so much. And I agree to do better at drawing my lines to separate them both. I haven’t seen much success so far . How do you do it, keep your emotions disconnected from work stuff that is, share some good tips, will you?

• Have been trying my hand at Radio Jockeying and it has been..well, sweet so far. I enjoyed the first few sessions, put my best into preparing for the show, scripts, recording and editing. Did not care if it meant less sleep and long nights. Eagerly waited for my show to go live on air and beamed proudly when it did. Jumped and screamed with joy when people said they liked what they heard even if it were my own friends and cousins But, the glamour of the whole thing is starting to fade now. I gave a chance and tried, but happy to leave behind to look for something new. Honestly, I don’t think I am cut for it. If it takes so much effort, time and brain-wracking, probably I am doing it wrong. Supposed to be smooth and easy , this RJing thing, right? Oh, well

• You remember Ana-Swetha from here, right? Her family and ours are very good friends now We visit them often- the kids play among each other while we sit and chat in the kitchen with a cup of chai. Ana-Swetha and me have danced in the living room to random music, walked to the park holding hands and generally laughed and hugged tight. I still speak to her in Kannada and she still runs to me when she hears my voice. Baby sat her one evening when the parents took a deserved break and I think I did pretty well! Their family is so full of warmth and cheer, sometimes I am overwhelmed with joy just by being around them. Meeting them is one of the best things that happened to us in the past year and I feel so much richer in life by the gift of it all

• Leisure reading has always been a thing of less priority mainly because..er..there hardly is leisure to sit down with a book with a toddler around But, the blog world has been so inspiring to push my limits and create that time for books, especially voracious readers like herself. The pleasure of living those characters through the words on a good book is so addicting.The drowsy eyes and sleepy head in the mornings are still worth the late nights cozied up in the sofa with a book! Some of my favorites so far:

  -Water for Elephants  by Sara Gruen
  -The Help  by Kathryn Stockett
  -The Life of Pi  by Yann Martel
  -The Client  by John Grisham
  -The palace of Illusions
  -Mistress of Spices
  -Sister of my heart…all  by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
  -Nefertiti  by Michelle Moran
  -A Thousand Splendid Suns  by Khaled Hosseini

  Recommendations for a must-read or a link to your favorite list is much appreciated

• Two vacations highlighted my year of 2012. One is the solo trip to India. Just me and Paapu, while the husband stayed back.It was all about visiting uncles, aunts, cousins and friends – wondering how much you have missed them through the years and why the heck didn’t you keep in touch more often! It was also about strolling in the greens of the many relatives who own beautiful gardens:..also about gorging on mangoes! Oh, the juicy, sweet, nectar-like Mangoes!
  The one thing that stands out in my memory though is the evening I got to meet this girl ! I have admired her blog for so long- the way she spins words so effortlessly, the honesty in every single of the posts and most of all – her perspective, which is just so unique and incredibly mature.Sitting across the table with her and chatting up felt absolutely wonderful! She was just the way her blog portrayed and much much more. In fact, she made me think back about how I used to be at her age, not too long ago – naive, timid and somewhat dumb, if you ask me, especially in comparison to her

  Oh, and this framed doodle art gifted by her sits on my bedroom table next to a family picture -…makes me smile big whenever I look at it. Love you and your art dear girl

  The other vacation was towards the end of 2012 – a much awaited trip to Hawaii. The last time we visited the islands Paapu was quietly growing in my tummy- a nostalgic post here. This visit though, we had a cheery little girl building sand castles on the beach, running in the trails in the tropical forests and watching the sun go down into the sea leaving orange footprints in the sky.
  

• Paapu is turning three next month. THREE. Yes, you heard me right. When did she stop being a baby and turn into this talkative little preschool going girl? I have no clue! Sample some of the laugh moments:

——-

Midnight stroke of 12 on the new years eve. I grab Paapu in the middle of the party to say “Happy new year!”
“Huh? Happy..What ?”

[ Note to self - Toddlers don't understand the sense of time - not in seconds, minutes or in ( happy new) years.]
——-
” Paapu, no Preschool today. It’s closed for holiday”
“Yes. They shut the doors and locked it really tight.Very tight. Cannot open.”
“??!”

..after a few days of Christmas holidays,

“Paapu, your preschool opens tomorrow”
“They open the door? Was very tight closed, how they open?

——-
“”Good Job!”
“No, Amma, I am not Good Job. I am Good Girl!”
——-
Middle of the night, everyone is sound asleep.

“Amma!”
I wake up shocked by the cry, “What, what happened baby?”
“Amma, she is not sharing her toys with me”
“Aww, that’s okay, it’s a dream, sleep now..shhh” , patting her back to sleep.
..after 20 minutes
“Amma..! She is still not sharing her toys with me!”
Apparently, toddlers dream in saga episodes, who knew
——-

I am driving the car and the noise from the backseat gets irritating.

“Paapu. Stop screaming. Stop it.”
“Ok Amma, don’t be angry. I will scream very quietly. Okay?”

——-

She is a silly goose, isn’t she?

That’s about it for now.

Stay happy there

Cheers!

 

Favored Grace

It started with a posting on Craigslist, the website where you can buy/sell second hand items for cheap.

 

I put up a Vacuum cleaner for sale there few days back. It was an old one, but worked perfectly. I put a reasonable price so that I get a buyer soon- just trying to get rid of some clutter at home.

 

I received just one response by email and eagerly grabbed the opportunity . It was a couple who contacted me. An American couple with kids and pets and they needed to be sure the vacuum cleaner cleans on wooden flooring as well as carpet.

 

I called the number and heard a soft female voice, ” Hello, this is Lina”

 

“Hi, I am calling about the Vacuum cleaner you were interested in ? Could you come this evening, after 6:30 PM to take a look?”

 

“Oh, Hi. Thank you for contacting. This evening is difficult. How about tomorrow early morning?”

 

“Okay. Can you come around 8:30 AM before I leave for work?”

 

“Sure. My husband and me will come. I will get my 2.5 year old daughter too”

 

“Definitely. Bring your daughter. I have a 2.5 year old daughter too”

 

“Nice. My daughter, she is blind. So, a little behind the milestones. But, she would be happy to meet your daughter “

 

“Uh….Oh, Ok. Sure”

 

“See you tomorrow then?”

 

“See you tomorrow”

 

The word ‘blind’ came unexpected. And, the fact that she included it in a conversation so smoothly made me feel small. I took being ‘normal’ as granted. Right after the call, I felt blessed to have a child who is able to see. I ran to Paapu and gave her an extra special kiss. I told about the couple and their daughter to the husband by the end of the day and re-iterated how we take things for granted.

 

The next day, at 8:30 in the morning, we had our visitors. In came a petite woman wearing jeans-Tee and  a beautiful smile. She was helping her little girl to guide with the cane. The husband walked in right next to them with a nice smile too.

 

I could not take my eyes off the little girl.She was wearing a little salwar kameez and did not look American at all. I had to ask -

 

” Your daughter is beautiful. Is she Asian?”

 

“Yes. She is from Bangalore, India”

 

“Oh..!”

 

” We got her from an orphange this February. She is just getting used here.I suppose you are from India too?”

 

“Yes,  we are. In fact, I come from a place near Bangalore”

 

“Wow, really? You know ka-na-da then?”

 

“ Kannada? Yes, of course I do”

 

“My daughter, Ana-Swetha*, loves to hear ka-na-da. Can you speak to her in the language?”

 

“Sure!”

 

I called out to Ana-Swetha and said “Hegidiya?” ( How are you?)

 

She turned in a sudden jerk and came running in my direction. I kneeled down and opened up my arms to hold her before she tripped on something.

 

And, then, she hugged me. 

 

The tightest, fondest, most wonderful of hugs I have ever got! She wrapped her legs around my waist and buried her face into my neck. I just sat down and held her…words do not describe the feeling inside me. 

 

After moments passed silently. I noticed a sad streak on Lina’s face , “She misses Ka-na-da. They spoke that language in her orphanage. I am trying to learn a few words actually”

 

I tried to talk, breaking from the strong embrace, but chocked on my own tears.Finally said, 

 

“Hmm. People like us only keep dreaming of doing such a thing. To adopt. You guys have actually done it. I…I feel touched. “

 

“Oh, Ana-Shwetha came to us really. We have an elder daughter who is from the same orphanage too. We went to bring her home and could not resist bringing Ana-Shwetha home”

 

She showed me a picture of her elder daughter, who was not blind, but equally beautiful and spirited.

 

While the husband showed them the Vacuum cleaner ( which they bought) I made Paapu and Ana-Shwetha drink their morning glass of milk together. Paapu (reluctantly) gave a toy of hers for Ana-Shwetha to take home.

 

It was time for them to leave and we stood at the door waving them goodbye.

 

But, this is not the last we’ll meet them I hope. Promises have been made to meet up again. I cannot wait to start a relationship with this wonderful family. A family that showed me there is no limits to sharing love, you only have to open your arms with it.

 

 

 

NOTE: Names have been partially changed to protect identity.

 

* Ana-Swetha : The birth name is the second half .The first half  ”Ana” was added by the new family. It means “favored grace”.

 

 

Such is life

It was 5:32 in the evening and the office cubicles were almost empty. I was still there though I was supposed to be on the road driving to the daycare to pick up Paapu, 2 minutes back. It takes around 20 minutes to reach the daycare, a little more if there is traffic. Daycare closes at 6 PM and the providers make it a point to mention “you are late!” even if it is by 4 minutes. Mommy guilt sucks.

“Shucks! Am late”, I thought, shutting down the laptop and hurriedly picking up my things.

I turned around while stuffing the laptop in the bag and noticed Rick* in the next cubicle was still working. He always did. He was in his place every day when I came in and he was right there, working intently even when I left. I give my 8+ hours all days in office, which meant Rick worked much more. I joined this new team recently and knew everyone in the team pretty well by now, except for Rick. He was old, maybe 55 or even 60. He wore neat and clean sweaters, although old looking and grey.He looked really close into the computer screen when he worked. If approached for an issue, he would offer his opinions and ideas. Then, he wrote them down and took prints to distribute to everyone concerned. “Just send us an email Rick”, we laughed sometimes. He spoke very matter-of-factly during meetings, and spoke defensively even at funny remarks made in a light moment. He hardly smiled.

Like everyone else (much younger to him) in the team, I began looking at him as a different case. Approached him only when it was truly necessary, never made small talk or tried to be friends. Although he sat right next to my cubicle. It was only casual ‘Hi’, ‘Bye.. Cya” and nothing else. Until that day.

I was just about to leave and noticed Rick looking deep into his computer screen and typing away. “Why does this man take work so seriously? Why doesn’t he just go home to his family?!”, I wondered and pat came these words out of my mouth, as if involuntarily.

“Hey Rick, do you have any kids?”

“Ummm.No”

“Wife..family..?”

“Well, my son died 7 years ago and my wife might be leaving me very soon”

“Oh…”, and my voice trailed off.

I cursed myself really bad in my head. Why did I need to ask him about family? How insensitive of me.Argh!

“Uh..I am sorry. But, I am sure things will turn around for you Rick”, I mumbled a lame effort.

“It does not look like that to me”, he smiled weakly.

“It will be okay. You just keep up hopes”, I said as I picked up my bag and dashed towards the door. Rick turned back to his computer.

“Am late”, I thought again and hurried to the car.

I got in and switched on the engine and suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge wave of sadness hit me like a ton of bricks. Before I knew it, I was sobbing uncontrollably into my palms. What had I just done?!!

It took couple of minutes to gather myself back again, get down the car and walk back into the office.

Rick was there, lost in the computer screen and typing some code.

“Hey Rick”

“Hey”

“I..I..I am terribly sorry I asked you the question… Can I give you a hug?”

He stretched out his arms slowly and then we hugged. “It’s gonna be okay Rick..It’s..”, I gulped the lump in my throat as I patted his back.

“Don’t cry. That’s alright”, he assured.

“It’s just that ..I might have judged you..and I feel really bad for that.I am sorry”, tears still rolling down.

“Oh..”

“Rick, since I saw you here working all the time, I wondered if you cared enough to go home to your family..”

“Family.. I don’t have one. Because I don’t have anyone or anything to go to. Seven years back, life seemed perfect! Then, my son passed away, all hell broke loose and everything fell apart..just like that.”

“…things can get better..” I tried to say.

“I am 56 and I have less life left. I don’t see it turning up again for me, ever. One thing that keeps me occupied is my work and I try and keep busy at it. I am here early..and I leave late. As I said, I have nothing else to go to.”  That weak smile again.

“I will send out good thoughts for you Rick, ask the one up above to set it right for you”

“Okay”, he said matter-of-factly, “Thank you”.

I walked back to the car slowly. The water in my eyes was drying up, but the pain lingered ..and I let it stay. I knew I deserved it. Realization, sometimes comes the hard way. And , it’s okay to hurt.

As I drove, the precept re-iterated in the head several times – Never judge people by their mannerisms or behavior. You never know what life has been to them..you never know the story they lived through..You never know where their smiles were left behind..You never know…

Paapu ran to me with a familiar delight as I stood there at the entrance of the daycare, arms stretched open for a hug.

Another day. Another lesson.

Such is life . It never stops teaching.

[ * Name changed to protect identity]

 

Bulleting it out

I am in grave danger of being smacked in the head for not having posted a thing here since many weeks. Although virtual, sometimes those smacks pain no less . No, really!

So, here are some very random leaves out of the days in my life lately. Bullet points maketh a post too. Yes ?

• The festival season is here! Navarathri, as always, is all about colorful doll displays, dinner invites, pretty sarees and chic jewelry, super yumm sweets ( think Jalebi, Rasmalai, Badam halwa!) and spicy sundal. Navarathri is also about Dandia dancing in gorgeous lehengas. So much of talking and laughing out loud that I recently gave myself a sore throat. The good kind of sore throat

•  I sing Carnatic Classical and I do it decently well, if not exceptionally great. My old, tethered song book with ripped pages and brown edges comes out only during Navarathri. Am just so happy to sing some of my old favorites. But when my memory fails me with some complex compositions, am very much ashamed. I profusely apologize to all music Gods (?) for having failed and for having ignored them all year round. The scenario repeats again the next year anyway, the book having gone back into the rack once again

• My MIL is visiting. She is staying with her daughter (my SIL) who lives 7 miles away. She calls us regularly just to ask “How are you doing?”.She visits us when she wants to play with Paapu. She comes over when I have guests coming over and helps with the cooking. She comes when I am too held up at work and my home needs some care. I am beginning to realize she is one of the best things that happened to me with marriage and I cannot thank my luck enough for that. There are itsy bitsy complaints, but there is a lot of warmth and love too..I can see .

• We have a newborn in the family. Cousin PP, who also lives nearby delivered her second offspring – a bundle of buttery soft, pink cheeked baby boy. The highlight of the news though, was that she had a normal delivery in spite of the C-section during her first delivery 2 years ago. It is called VBAC ( visit link if you need info). Neither many women opt for it nor many doctors agree to go with it. Also, she did it without epidural or pain medication! When I was gushing over how great her achievement was, she calmly tells me “All credit to my husband. He was the one who insisted I should go without epidural. Could not have done without him”. I left my next words float away. How can the husband decide whether the wife should / shouldn’t take pain medication? Isn’t it the sole right of the woman in labor herself? I was told she cried and pleaded for epidural, while the husband stood by his words “No, you can manage without it”. The husband looked at her, beaming with pride. And, I sat there appalled.

•  When you are chasing a deadline at work, when you are clamoring to get things done, when all you  are thinking is work all day and even dream of it in the night ( argh!), when you pay less attention to food and more to your computer, when you feel like you are always running ….a simple “I LOVE YOU” note from the hubby can jolt you back to sense. Especially when it is most unexpected and much needed. Deadlines can wait while I smile and pick the phone to whisper it back to him

•  A nine month old is a baby, but a nineteen month old is NOT a baby. Heck, it is easier to type than to accept. I have just that one nursing at night still going on and I cannot seem to bring myself to wean Paapu off. I still mash food for her sometimes, when I know she can handle normal food perfectly, even without the molars. I get protective when hubby plays rough with her ( read hang her head down holding feet for example) when I know she is laughing and having a good time. I worry incessantly when she skips dinner altogether and just gorges on fruits or cheese once a while. I know and I am still in denial  My baby is no baby anymore. She is a little girl.

•  The wife of a friend has been staying over for few weeks. She moved from east to west coast owing to a job and her husband of 1.5 years is forced to stay alone for the time being. She is a picture of cheerfulness and goes along with everyone like a charm. But, that hint of sadness in her eyes always showed. One fine night, the husband just flew in and surprised the heck out of her! ( yes, we all witnessed the happy tears and jumping). And, the sadness in the eyes vanished, just like that.  Sigh! I love Love

So, what’s been happening on your side ?

Wish you all happy festivities, with Diwali in  tow next !

See you around, k?

 

The Preggo Points

At 4 months and a week now, I jotted down things that pregnancy has brought me. When does a smile come in and when does a cringe happen. Here goes:

——————————

Smile

- Hubby waking me up with a kiss on the forehead followed by another on the tummy.

- Hubby actually remembering (without reminders!) and making me hot chocolate in  the morning, cutting and packing fruits for lunch dessert, lovingly hiding cookies and other snacks in my carry bag for office hungry hours.

- The extra attention from friends and cousins. Expected to do the least and pampered the most – bliss!

- The wide range of maternity clothing options and a long day of shopping for them in the mall.

- An impromptu visit to the Ice cream shop late in the night for a  No-Guilt-Ice-Cream-loaded-with-chocolate-chips-and-roasted-nuts. What calories?  The doc wants me to have lotsa milk products, fruits and nuts

- Appa Amma and the in-laws checking on me every day and reminding Hubby to be nice to me…every single time! Hehehe.

- The caring enquiries about what I am craving for and actually having some of  them cooked and brought home by awesome friends and relatives here.

- Telling out to an unsuspecting (or so I think) acquaintance or colleague that ‘I am having a baby!’ and watching their face bloom into a happy smile followed by a hearty hug.

- Just lying down on the bed and softly moving my hands over the bulging tummy and imaging what s/he is up to

——————————

Cringe

- Waking up every morning feeling heavier than the day before.

- Mid night trips to the loo. The bladder wins over sleepy eyes and tired head, every single time. Arrgh!

- Frequent throbbing head aches which are manageable, but annoying nevertheless.  They don’t need a reason nor an invitation (of course!).

- Dressing up ( to the office, a casual get together or a grand party ) means sitting and staring at those nice looking ‘before’ clothes in the wardrobe and  feeling depressed at how big you have gotten for any of them now. Sigh!

- The sex, or the lack of it The first 3 months was a total dry spell, thanks to  the doc who wanted us to ‘take it easy’ because she saw some unexpected fluid outside the sac in my uterus. It’s well over the 4th month now and we have had interesting nights for not more than 2 times hence. What is with the hubby acting with all care and affection in bed when I would really appreciate some love and action!

- The hands-tied-down feeling when I am not able to go dandia dancing on navarathri nights, go river rafting on a weekend trip, go biking or running when I  feel like it, go on any more adventurous vacation for some time to come. I know, I  can still take up any/all of these. Many do. But, my history with pregnancy added with the paranoid advices and suggestions from everybody who cares, has actually  tied me up. I stay satisfied with long walks, leisurely non adventure trips,  some lucky days at the riverside strolling barefoot on the wet pebbles.

- Enquiring and advising is all fine. But, I really DO NOT want unsolicited suggestions and tips from few of those nosy women who think they are the gurus of it all  since they have had one or two kids. Each woman is different and please understand  that I cannot be you and do exactly what you ate, said or did.

- My list of food cravings is short, very short. The first line says ‘Fruits’,  second says ‘Any dish tangy and spicy’ and the last line ( in big bold letters)  says ‘Amma’s hand cooked meals’. Enough said. I miss my Amma ( yes Appa too) so very much….come to me soooooon

- The thought of the D-day when I will go into labor..the hysterical pain, the crying. I can almost imagine it and tears of fear swell up. Billions have gone through it, so what big deal with me now, you ask? I have not been in any of their shoes and have only heard stories from people…in fact witnessed one closely.My daily prayers involve pleading to the Gods to make it all right..give me enough strength for a safe and normal delivery.Enough strength to look at my baby and hold it close with a smile..before passing out from exhaustion maybe

——————————

I realize that the pluses totally outweigh the minuses when it comes to the final result. I can’t wait to hold that warm little wrapped bundle in my arms with two rosy cheeks and a pair of twinkling eyes peeping out curiously

By the way, Happy Dussehra to all those who celebrate. Be good and have fun!

Will bring you latest updates from the doc’s room in a few weeks. Maybe.. just maybe… I will have an announcement – BOY or GIRL !

Watch this space

At 4 months and a week now, I jotted down things that pregnancy has brought me. When does a smile come in and when does a cringe happen. Here goes:

——————————

Smile

- Hubby waking me up with a kiss on the forehead followed by another on the tummy.

- Hubby actually remembering (without reminders!) and making me hot milk chocolate in  the morning, fruits cut and packed for lunch dessert, cookies and other snacks lovingly packed and hidden in my carry bag for office hungry hours.

- The extra attention I receive from friends and cousins. Expected to do the least and pampered the most – bliss!

- The wide range of maternity clothing options and a long day of shopping for them in the mall.

- An impromptu visit to the Ice cream shop late in the night for a  No-Guilt-Ice-Cream-loaded-with-chocolate-chips-and-roasted-nuts. What calories?  The doc wants me to have lotsa milk products, fruits and nuts

- Appa Amma and the in-laws checking on me every day and reminding Hubby to be nice to me…every single time! Hehehe.

- The caring enquiries about what I am craving for and actually having some of  them cooked and brought home by awesome friends and relatives here.

- Telling out to an unsuspecting ( or so I think) acquaintance or colleague that  ’I am having a baby!’. and watching their face bloom into a happy smile followed by a hearty hug.

- Just lying down on the bed and softly moving my hands over the bulging tummy and imaging what s/he is up to

———————–

Cringe

- Waking up every morning feeling heavier than the day before.

- Mid night trips to the loo. The bladder wins over sleepy eyes and tired head, every single time. Arrgh!

- Frequent throbbing head aches which are manageable, but annoying nevertheless.  They don’t need a reason nor an invitation (of course!).

- Dressing up ( to the office, a casual get together or a grand party ) means sitting and staring at those nice looking ‘before’ clothes in the wardrobe and  feeling depressed at how big you have gotten for any of them now. Sigh!

- The sex, or the lack of it The first 3 months was a total dry spell, thanks to  the doc who wanted us to ‘take it easy’ because she saw some unexpected fluid outside the sac in my uterus. It’s well over the 4th month now and we have had interesting nights for not more than 2 times hence. What is with the hubby acting with all care and affection in bed when I would really appreciate some love and action!

- The hands-tied-down feeling when I am not able to go dandia dancing on navarathri nights, go river rafting on a weekend trip, go biking or running when I  feel like it, go on any more adventurous vacation for some time to come. I know, I  can still take up any/all of these. Many do. But, my history with pregnancy added with the paranoid advices and suggestions from everybody who cares, has actually  tied me up. I stay satisfied with long walks, leisurely non adventure trips,  some lucky days at the riverside strolling barefoot on the wet pebbles.

- Enquiring and advising is all fine. But, I really DO NOT want unsolicited  suggestions and tips from those few women who think they are the gurus of it all  since they have had one or two kids. Each woman is different and please understand  that I cannot be you and do exactly what you ate, said or did.

- My list of food cravings is short, very short. The first line says ‘fruits’,  second says ‘any dish tangy and spicy’ and the last line ( in big bold letters)  says ‘Amma’s hand cooked meals’. Enough said. I miss my Amma ( yes Appa too) so  very much….come to me soooooon

- The thought of the D-day when I will go into labor..the hysterical pain, the  crying. I can almost imagine it and tears of fear swell up. Billions have gone through it, so what big deal with me now? I have not been in any of their shoes and have only heard stories from people…in fact witnessed one closely.My daily prayers involve pleading to the Gods to make it all right….give me enough strength for a safe and normal delivery. Enough strength to look at my baby and hold it close with a smile..before passing out

———————

I realize that the pluses totally outweigh the minuses when it comes to the final result. I can’t wait to hold that warm little bundle in my arms with two rosy cheeks and a pair of twinkling eyes peeping out curiously

By the way, Happy Dussehra to all those who celebrate. Be good and have fun!

Will bring you latest updates from the doc’s room in a few weeks. Maybe.. just maybe… I will have an announcement – BOY or GIRL !

Watch this space

 

Weaker Sex

Lunch break conversation in the cafeteria:

Me: So, what do you have for breakfast?

DesiColleagueGuy1: Parathey

Me: Daily?

DesiColleagueGuy1: Yes, my wife wakes up early and makes them for me everyday.

Me: Wow!!

DesiColleagueGuy2: Why do you act so shocked? His wife is just being a good  ’Bharatiya Naari’.

Me: What? Why do you label it that? Who set the benchmark for a Bharatiya Naari ?

DesiColleagueGuy2:Now don’t act all non-feminist. I just spoke fact.

Me: Firstly, it is ‘feminist’ and not ‘non’.Do you even know what it means?

DesiColleagueGuy2: Whatever..

Me: The ‘Bharatiya Naari’ and its specifications all came from men.

DesiColleagueGuy2: So what?

Me: If women were given a chance they would change the definition of Bharatiya Naari, am sure.

DesiColleagueGuy2: Haha, who stopped them?

Me: Now, don’t get me started man,. From time immemorial women have been treated inferior by men. Mostly because men are physically stronger.

DesiColleagueGuy1: How can you say that? I think it is more to do with mental  strength and intelligence.

Me: And how is that?

DesiColleagueGuy1: Look, if women had enough mental strength and smartness to break the rules and go ahead, they would have! No man could have stopped them.

Me: You mean women were treated inferior because they were less smarter than men?

DesiColleagueGuy2: Of course! We even have a saying in my native language for that. Translates to say “smartness of a woman is lesser than the sole of her feet”

Me: Wha..???

DesiColleagueGuy1: So, it has all to do with mental abilities ..and why men claimed superiority

Me: Huh? I will never accept women are any lesser than men when it comes to brains. I think it all started with physical differences. Men kept women subdued because  they were the weaker of the sexes, physically. Since the age old days, men were the ones who built countries and formed laws.Women were hardly in picture!

DesiColleagueGuy1: Ah…Why were they not in picture? Because they  were not smart enough.

Me: You don’t get my point!

DesiColleagueGuy2: All this argument because you don’t make paratheys for your husband every morning? Hahaha

Me: #%^&*)%%^&*(@$%% !!

Either my route to the argument was wrong or those two MCP’s were just not getting it.

What do you think? For centuries, women were treated inferior by men. Things have changed/are changing for the better now..but how did it all start?

Was it physical differences or was there something else to it?

Lunch break conversation in the cafeteria:

—————————————————————-

Me: So, what do you have for breakfast usually?

DesiColleagueGuy1: Parathey

Me: Daily?

DesiColleagueGuy1: Yes, my wife wakes up early and makes them for me everyday.

Me: Wow!!

DesiColleagueGuy2:  Why do you act so shocked? His wife is just being a good  ’Bharatiya Naari’.

Me: What? Why do you label it that? Who set the benchmark for a Bharatiya Naari ?

DesiColleagueGuy2: Now don’t act all non-feminist. I just spoke fact.

Me: Firstly, it is ‘feminist’ without a ”non’. Do you even know what it means?

DesiColleagueGuy2: Whatever..

Me: The ‘Bharatiya Naari’ and its specifications all came from men.

DesiColleagueGuy2: So what?

Me: If women were given a chance they would change the definition of Bharatiya Naari, am sure.

DesiColleagueGuy2: Haha, who stopped them?

Me: Now, don’t get me started man.. .from time immemorial women have been treated inferior by men. Mostly because men are physically stronger.

DesiColleagueGuy1: How can you say that? I think it is more to do with mental  strength and intelligence.

Me: And how is that?

DesiColleagueGuy1: Look, if women had enough mental strength and smartness to break the rules and go ahead, they would have! No man could have stopped them.

Me: You mean women were treated low because they were not as smart as men?

DesiColleagueGuy2: Of course! We even have a saying in my native language which translates to say “smartness of a woman is lesser than the sole of her feet” Hehe.

Me: Wha..???

DesiColleagueGuy1: So, it has all to do with mental abilities ..and why men claimed superiority

Me: Huh? I will never accept women are any lesser than men when it comes to brains. I think it all started with physical differences. Men kept women subdued because  they were the weaker of the sexes, physically. Since the age old days, men were the ones who built countries and formed laws.Women were hardly in picture!

DesiColleagueGuy1: Ah…Why were they not in picture? Because they  were not smart enough.

Me: You don’t get my point!

DesiColleagueGuy2: All this argument because you don’t make paratheys for your husband every morning? Hahaha

Me: #%^&*)%%^&*(@$%%

————————————————–

Either my route to the argument was not strong enough or those two MCP’s were just not getting it.

What do you think?  Bharatiya or not, for centuries, women were treated inferior by men. Things have changed/are changing for the better now..but how did it all start?

Was it physical differences or was there something else to it?

 

Watching TV is all I do!

It is a lazy Sunday noon and she is browsing through the channels on TV. She soon finds something interesting and starts watching it .

He comes by and sees his wife busy staring at the idiot box and says “Am going out to finish some errands. See you in a while.”

She mumbles a soft “Okay dear, Bye, Drive safe” and continues to do what she was doing.

After about 15 minutes, she switches off the TV, gets up and ties up her hair into a ponytail.

The laundry bags are full, she carries them out to the washing machines, loads and let that run.

She collects the filled up trash bags from the kitchen and then the bathroom, walks out to the main trash area and disposes them.

The sink in the kitchen is half full with dirty dishes, she clears it into the dishwasher. A bunch of vessels are greasy and she patiently scrubs and rinses them to look shiny again.

She remembers there was a raw green mango in the fridge and prepares a spicy chutney out of it. She is happy with the result and decides to pack it for their lunch next day with some Idlis.

‘The laundry must be done’, she thinks and goes out to collect it. On the way she notices that the shoe rack is untidy. All that is set right in a few minutes.

She comes back with fresh smelling clean laundry and carefully folds the big load of clothes one by one. Shirts, trousers, skirts, tops , undies and socks all go to their respective shelves in the cupboard.

The plants in the patio look thirsty and she lovingly pours some water for them to liven up again.

By now, she feels thirsty herself and makes two cups of tea with cardamom and ginger. Just the way her husband likes it. She keeps one aside for him and slowly sips hers.

She casually picks up the remote and rests her tired back on the couch and browses through the TV channels.

She soon finds something interesting and starts watching it .

He comes in and sees his wife busy staring at the idiot box and says “You sit in front of the TV all day. Why not get up and do something?”

She throws a puzzled look at him ..  ”Huh?!!!!!!!!”

 

Yes, that’s another example of how my work goes royally unnoticed every single time. I just sit and watch TV all day, you see.

Iis a lazy Sunday noon and she is browsing through the channels on TV. She soon finds something interesting and starts watching it .

He comes by and sees his wife busy watching the idiot box and says “Am going out to finish some errands. See you in a while.”

She mumbles a soft “Okay dear, Bye, Drive safe” and continues to do what she was doing.

After about 15 minutes, she switches off the TV, gets up and ties up her hair into a ponytail.

The laundry bags are full, she carries them out to the washing machines, loads and let that run.

She collects the filled up trash bags from the kitchen and then the bathroom, walks out to the main trash area and disposes them.

The sink in the kitchen is half full with dirty dishes, she clears it into the dishwasher. A bunch of vessels are greasy and she patiently scrubs and rinses them to look shiny again.

She remembers there was a raw green mango in the fridge and prepares a spicy chutney out of it. She is happy with the result and decides to pack it for their lunch next day with some Idlis.

‘The laundry must be done’, she thinks and goes out to collect it. On the way she notices that the shoe rack is untidy. All that is set right in a few minutes.

She comes back with fresh smelling clean laundry and carefully folds the big load of clothes one by one. Shirts, trousers, skirts, tops , undies and socks all go to their respective shelves in the cupboard.

The plants in the patio look thirsty and she lovingly pours some water for them to liven up again.

By now, she feels thirsty herself and makes two cups of tea with cardamom and ginger. Just the way her husband likes it. She keeps one aside for him and slowly sips hers.

She casually picks up the remote and rests her tired back on the couch and browses through the TV channels.

She soon finds something interesting and starts watching it .

He comes in and sees his wife busy watching the idiot box and says “You sit in front of the TV all day. Why not get up and do something?”

!!!!!!!!

Yes, that’s another example of how my work goes royally unnoticed every time. I just sit and watch TV all the time, you see. 

 

Me back :)

Feels good to be back!..back to the calm and normalcy of living.

I say that because of those super eventful 4 weeks spent in India.
Every single day was planned to its very minute – Where to go, whom to visit, what to do, how to commute. Phew!

The First 10 days in H’s place were really tight packed with activities, to say the least.Two family functions, the preparations, the trips to meet half a dozen uncles and aunts and of course the overwhelming amount of shopping.

Given the summer heat in Chennai, I am glad we survived the entire thing to be back safe

On the other hand, the opportunities to show off my colorful ethnic wears, the delicious spicy food ( which we devoured like hungry pigs), the heart warming good wishes and blessings we received from so many elders during the functions – made up for it.

The next one week spent at my home was the best part of the entire trip. Duh! That’s expected of you to say, you say? Well, not just me, H agrees to that too. Hmmm..Glancing back at that one week, the most I recall is -

Eating 

Lots and lots of chatting with Amma

Eating

Running around clicking pictures and smelling flowers in my garden

Eating

Silly arguments with Appa

Eating

Irritating poor bro trying hard to agitate him ( how does he remain so calm with a character like me??)

Eating

Visiting cousins, uncles and aunts nearby

Eating

Playing in the gushing river waters ( absolutely loved it!)

Eating

Shopping in the little old stores for insignificant things

And..

Eating, of course.

Amma took the week off to cook all my favorite dishes..and she delivered it like a mission! Breakfast- Lunch- Snacks- Dinner. Breakfast- Lunch- Snacks- Dinner. Repeat. Nothing I said/did could stop her anyways. Thanks Amma, You are the Bestest!!

The last few days in Bangalore were super hectic, but fun all the while. Met at least a dozen bunch of friends for lunch or dinner. There was lots of chatting up and laughing. Bangalore still remains my favorite city, but could have done without that killing traffic jams and dust. Arrrgh! Everybody who talks of Bangalore plays this same old tune these days, no? When will the stupid government wake up from the slumber??

All plans well executed and a happy trip overall, I should say.

But, yes, feels good to be back. Known usualness and mental calm is much deserved sometimes

Edited to Add: Some pics from the trip, as promised :

The blossoming flowers on the White Jambu I planted in my Garden, while in school

My new little furry friend at an uncle's place.

Tenderly young Cashews in Uncle's plantation

Anthorium imparts a message of love..look carefully

Cocoa tree with pods at an aunt's place. These are where our chocolates come from!

A visit to Payaswini river with my aunt. What good times!

Wild cherries..spent much time collecting them.They are unbelievably sweet!

 

And the Oscar goes to..

What a night it was! What a great moment!

ARR, you did it!.. and you deserved it, long long back.

A R Rahman wins 2 Oscars for the Best Original Score and Best original Song in Slumdog Millionaire

Deep down, we knew this was coming..it had to, one day or the other.

From your soothing sweet ‘Roja’ to your teasing zippy ‘Masakkali’,  I have always been your fan. 

Hell, I can’t recall one person I know, who doesn’t agree that you are brilliant.

Though I rooted for “O Saya” to win the Oscar for your nomination, the song did not even matter when they announced your name on stage in front of world audience!

Wish you many more of these moments..many more for us to cheer for you, bearing joyous tears.

Hat’s off to you maestro !

—————————

 

Note: Flying to India in a couple of days..for a month long vacation! One week of Office work does not count there, does it?

Will be seeing my parents , my dear brother and several other loved ones, after almost 2 years now.

We have been doing a lot of good to the economy lately  Have been buying like crazy .. gifts  for everyone we know back home..and some more  

While it might be difficult to post here while there, I will definitely make efforts . But hey, am not one to miss any chance to come over and catch your updates . 

Adios now, take care and be safe you all.

See you back soon.